Today I visited my friend again..
apparently she attempted suicide 3 weeks ago and wound up in a hospital not far from where I live.
What.the.fuck?
Thanks for telling me that now?! Jesus Christ
my classmates said they haven't heard from her in months!
Months I tell you!
I wanted to check on her the same week she attempted suicide apparently.
But guitar lessons got in the way of it so I decided not to go.
i fucking wish I did!
same story next week...and the week after.
Until today. I knocked on her door.
she opened up showing only half of her face, the other half
was hidden behind the door. Creepy.
Come in, she said.
The hallway was dark, as were the upper floor and the staircase leading to it, which also had no sign of light
Even though it was about 2 pm everything was dark..
All curtains were closed, all the lights were out and her skin was pale.
The only light was that from the computer which I could see
through the door she had left open.
so, so very creepy.
It was then when I asked her where she has been and what
she has been doing.
She told me way too casually, waaaay to effortlessly,
how she grabbed a bottle of pills, laid down in an open
field and swallowed them all.
The way how she told me was just disturbing.
Just like it was the most normal way of living.
Like it was nothing out of the ordinary
and like she does it on a daily basis.
She then chuckled at my facial expression.
And it brought chills up my spine honestly.
She just smiled at me waiting for an answer.
After processing, which took about a minute,
I asked how she got saved.
Apparently her parents came looking for her when they returned.
Leaving their heavily depressed child home alone..
good fucking parenting much?!
I made her promise me to never do that again. Ever.
Yet instead of promising she started to talk about my eyes,
That they have a black color in this lighting,
And they looked like black pearls.
I told her to not change the subject and promise me.
She promised but didn't look me in the eye while doing it.
She said I should leave or else I'll be late for guitar lessons.
Then she gently pushed me outside and shut the door on me.
This girl is not the one I hung around with 24/7
This is not the girl I've known for 8 years.
This is not the girl who I could always run to.
This is not the girl I more then spend half of my school life with.
Who is this?